alone at last.
ive been at R's house for the past 3 days.
in fact im still here, but she's not. is it awful that i feel great that she's not in her own space?
eating like ive been on vacation- ive been going between 135 and 138 lbs. its odd. ill guess im on the high side now.
i cannot wait to be back home for the next term.
i can go hungry and noone will know.
its not even as though i couldnt be hungry with R. of course i could, i mean i am an adult, and she's no food saint herself.
but with friends comes food. its like the two go hand in hand. try as we might to avoid food, should one make a comment about being hungry, its only respectful for the other to suggest that we both go, and find something to nibble on.
when im home my brother can tell me he's hungry all he wants, and im not obligated under some mysterious "code of girl friendship" to have to acknowledge his statement, let alone join him in shoving food down my face.
i want to shed 40 lbs before i come back to school. originally i think my goals worked out to something like loosing, 30 lbs, but i want to do something dramatic.
i was looking at the fotos of one of my dearest friends. she is a year older than me but in highschool she managed to loose about 75 lbs (50 of which she managed over the course of a summer), shes much much bigger now, shes gained all that back and then some but she made a statement the other night stuck. she said to me "even though the thought of not eating doesnt even resonate with me now, its so nice to know i have that skill, almost as if its in the back of my pocket." another blogger said that what we do is beautiful in a sense, and after hearing my friend say that i started to believe that it was. once i get home my posts probably wont be as interesting, but ill need an outlet because im going to try harder than i ever have to loose this weight. it'll almost be as if i reached in my back pocket and pulled out an old friend.
|im really quite ready to be thin.|