" lets start at the very beginning.."

...a very good place to start

-Maria

i hate starting papers. 

there's nothing more that i hate than starting a paper, well maybe being fat 

ive got a 10 pages of academic scholarly work bullshit to submit in about 12 hours

and zero research and negative number of words written down

the only motivation i have to start is that when im done i can focus on loosing weight for the next 3 weeks before i got back to school hell. 

ive eaten far more than humanly possible for someone my size. i took pictures of my self in the nude today

i was curious.

and i am as fat as i thought id be

well not really but honestly until im like the waif below, i will consider myself fat. fat. fat.

i cant wait to email this paper in and just start dieting. i took some adderall like an hour ago.

i get soo uncomfortably high when i go on adderall binges, but in reality i smoke so much ganja that trying to live my life in a sober state is useless. 

what a shame.

i got on the scale before my adderall and i hit 135

                                                                                                135

                                                                        135

                                    135

                                    135

there's absolutely no excuse for this fuckery. it needs to end. im actually going on a fast from today. till my parents come back from their drunken weekend downdown south. i have no excuses. god has practically shoved a fast in my path. i better take the opportunity while its here. for the next 4 days im going to subside on the 4 boxes of diet coke my mum brought home for me, orbit, and my camels. ill try and post my progress throughout this weekend. but first things first, as maria so kindly instructed us, is to finish this paper. i think im going to write out all the quotes then explicate read: write what i know my asshole professor already informed me she wanted to hear [to pass] in a paper thats supposed to be mine. 

i realize wishing i was as thin as you isn't going to write my paper for me....but it sure is going to make me  stop eating.

p.s. i realize i went back and edited this post. i know its not the fucking MLA handbook for english or anything, but i am slightly ocd. and naturally its in the things that dont have any bearing on my grades.