"I can't explain myself, I'm afraid, Sir, because I'm not myself you see."

-Alice in Wonderland

oh dear. i have so much work to do and so little time motivation.
1. loose all the weight ive gained back
2. loose all the weight ive gained back
3. loose all the weight ive gained back
4. finall paper
5. loose all the weight ive gained back
6. loose all the weight ive gained back
7. loose all the weight ive gained back

i wanted to fast, but its like i have such little self control. i dont even want to go over the foods ive binged on the past 6 days. i think i might cry. i havent gained that much back, 5 lbs to be exact, but i definitely have seen 130 again and it sucks. strange how you forget about all those things that seemed so dismal and totally life shaking, yeah right when you suddenly become a big.fucking.whale.
im getting back on diet supplements today. i love to pretend that adderall, xanax, tenuate ect ect ect and other shit that cant be any good for your body are not my best only friends but i freak when i stop taking them. the worst part about it is that im going back on the premed track again i shamelessly relish the idea of being able to prescribe myself my own little treats at some point in my life. i also just spent that past 2 hours looking up the forbes most wealthy. this would be the first indication that i will never, ever be wealthy. that and i just dont care. i want to be a doctor so i can peace the fuck out of the u.s, no necessarily to be able to buy the whole damn country. as soon as i finish this last paper i can relax and fast. im hoping i finish tonight by hoping i mean, i fucking have to...its due on friday.

through the looking glass, you see yourself as you are. fat.